Comic Relief
by Meekychunky
Summary: Any Brit will understand what Comic Relief is... but it's a charity... What would the gang do for charity?


Hi guys, I thought of this when I saw an advert on telly for comic relief… for those of you that are going… eh? Pardon? Comic Relief/ Red nose day is like a telethon but all the best known Brit TV personalities actually turn up and pretty much every school in the UK does stuff for the charity… Are we all sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin ;)   
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Seifer strolled down the corridor with his general supercilious smirk gracing his face. He was looking for his posse, the way he always did first thing in the morning, but he found something much better. Selphie was up a ladder placing a banner on a wall. *Anyone notice in just how many fics she's actually doing this?* Seifer watched her slightly confused… the garden festival was months away. 

'Selphie, what's going on?' She turned slightly, noticed him and waved. She scooted down the ladder with a big smile. 'What? Aren't you going to say something?' He asked her and she shook her head, she dug around in her pocket and came up with a few flash cards. Selphie handed one to him. He looked down. 

I'm on a sponsored silence. He raised his eyebrows at her. 

'What for…' She signalled for him to wait before she dug out another card. It's for comic relief. Before he could ask what exactly that was she handed him another. It's a charity moron. She grinned happily at his frown. 'Why didn't I know anything about this?' She held up two cards side by side. 

I –asked- you to sponsor me. One card read… the other one read… You didn't. He nodded. 

'Can I see those cards?' He asked holding out his hand, she shrugged and passed them to him. He flicked through them and grinned at a couple of the funnier ones… such as 'Booyaka!!!!!!!' and 'Just DO it Zell!' (That one was started to look a little worn around the edges.) He gave her a smile and threw the cards up into the air. The look on her face was worth gold as they fluttered down around her. She drew a notepad and pencil, scribbled three letters and held it up. GIT! He walked away laughing. 

It was at that point Fuijin and Raijin came running up to him. They barrelled past and Fujin yelled. 'SEIFER. FOLLOW.' He chased after them. They paused outside the cafeteria then went inside at the first yelp. Rinoa and Quistis were hovering over Irvine in between him and a small crowd. Seifer pushed to the front as Rinoa slapped a wax strip on Irvine's leg and ripped it off viciously. This time Irvine only gave a whimper and Seifer collapsed into hysterics. He found Zell in the crowd. 

'Chicken-wuss… what's going on?' Zell closed his eyes and breathed deeply. 'What's wrong? You aren't on a sponsored silence too are ya?' Quistis turned and smiled at him. 

'No. We sponsored him to do 12 hours without pissing someone off… The shadow boxing really winds us up. Irvine's doing the leg wax for charity' Seifer grinned. 

'If I say Zell's winding me up does he not get the money?' Seifer asked viciously. Rinoa looked up. 

'No Seifer you don't count…' She told him. 

'You didn't sponsor me…' Zell said with a smirk on his face. 'I can annoy you as much as I want.' Seifer glanced at Zell with a sneer. 

'Zell why don't you go home and tell your mother she wants you...' Zell frowned... and then went bright red, but bit his lip and turned away. He turned back to the Irvine show, who was now weeping quietly as the girls tore away the hair on his surprisingly hairy legs with obvious pleasure. Seifer began to wonder how much hair the guy had below his normal jeans and coat... this was Irvine the Man-imal.... 

'Stop.' Irvine said. 'This is cruel and unusual punishment...' Rinoa laughed. 

'I still have the other leg to do.' Irvine groaned something about not letting Selphie ever talk him into something again, Seifer grinned. 

'So what's puberty boy doing?' Rinoa glared... 

'We're having a bachelor auction at eight when Selphie gets her voice back... she's the MC.' Quistis said before Rinoa could say anything. 'Squall, Irvine and Zell are doing it... along with a few others like Nida... but helping others isn't in your line of work... So I won't bother asking.' 

'Is this a bachelor auction where screaming woman pay money for a date.' Quistis and Rinoa looked at each other momentarily. 

'Sort of...' Rinoa said. 

'Count me in.' Quistis shared a subtle grin with Irvine and Rinoa, pulling out a form. 

'Fine... just need you to sign your life away...' She said with a smile and he signed on the dotted line... 

* 

It had been a wierd day... he couldn't walk over campus without tripping over someone spending the day on a unicycle... or sitting a tub of beans... or having wet sponges being thrown at them for money... But it was time for the bachelor auction and everyone was headed for the quad. He went and found his place next to the other bachelors... He frowned, Chicken-Wuss looked miserable... and Irvine was still rubbing his legs complaining that he was cold. Squall looked cool as ever. Selphie was standing on the stage looking at her watch at five seconds to eight she started counting down on her fingers. Everyone joined in. 

'5...4...3...2...1...' Selphie screamed with triumph. 'Hey I did it.... None of you thought I could did ya?' She grinned. 'Well thanks for coming and I'd like you to officially welcome you to our slave for a day auction.' Seifer's face dropped, he looked across at Quistis who grinned at him with an evil glint in her eye... she waved the contract he had signed in her hand. He shook his head. 

'And our first bachelor is Squall... Being as he's our commander I don't think I need to tell you what a hard worker he is... his slave time will probably be a day off for him.' Selphie grinned. 'What am I bid?' The first bid was for 100 gil from Rinoa, Selphie rolled her eyes. 'Okay... anyone who isn't Rinoa...' Quistis shouted out a bid and Rinoa glared at her, shouting out higher. Quistis wasn't serious about it but she had been instructed to drive the price up, so she countered until Selphie nodded at her. 'Sold to Rinoa for 1250 gil... good price. Next we have Irvine... and bidding opens at my own of 1000 gil... no other bidders...? Good.' Irvine had just got onto the stage when Selphie had wrapped that up, so he merely sauntered across and off the other side. It was Zell next and Quistis ended up not seeing Selphie's signal and driving the price up too high, so she was stuck with Zell for the bonus price of 990 gil. Then it was Seifer's turn... He walked up onto the stage in a dejected fashion. Selphie didn't pause... 'And for Seifer?' Silence, his head jerked upwards, Quistis shrugged at him and indicated Zell who was in a small huddle with Irvine and Squall. She couldn't afford him, he looked desperately at Raijin and Fujin who sighed. 

'ONE HUNDRED.' Fujin said in her regular... quiet voice... then nothing... 

'One hundred and fifty, ya know.' Hyne this was so humiliating. 

'One thousand three hundred and... *come on Zell* fifty three gil.' Seifer stared in shock and Selphie grinned. 

'SOLD! To Squall, Irvine and Zell, for a days hard labour...' 

Author's note~ Sorry about this... I had to... 


End file.
